


Death Notes (or: Why the New Fridge is Not Magnetized.)

by KlingonEtiquette



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Cute, Humor, Mello Near and L are brothers, Multi, Nothing Hurts, maybe some angst but very little I hope, mello is dramatic and won't eat vegetables, mellodrama, ryuk has a lot of cats named after apples
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-10-12 13:52:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17468816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KlingonEtiquette/pseuds/KlingonEtiquette
Summary: Yagami Light is a junior in college, living with his freshman year roommate Ryuk, his (soon-to-be-ex) girlfriend Misa, Misa's freshman year roommate Rem, and L. For the most part, they get along splendidly, with Misa and Rem sharing a room, Ryuk and Light sharing a room, and L getting a room all to himself because no one can sleep with his odd schedule.





	1. Chapter 1

As with most apartments, there were rules. These rules lived on the refrigerator, supported by a single magnet depicting a delightfully ugly cat. After a year of living together, most of the inhabitants of apartment 4-13 knew these rules by heart, and for the most part, everyone followed them to the last letter. Besides which, after a year of living together, these rules were more of a formality, a reminder of their promise to each other: That they were friends, they would always be friends, and nothing could or would change that. 

But contrary to common belief, Amane Misa wasn't dumb. Not by a long shot. And she could feel Light growing more and more distant as their relationship progressed. It seemed the more they got to know each other, the more they shared, the less they really understood. The more Misa loved Light, the less Light seemed to love her back. That was okay, she decided. This was college. This was junior year of college, so Misa knew Light was every bit as anxious as she was about graduation looming just around the corner. It was time for Light and L to start looking into law school, time for Misa to pour her heart into her music, time for Ryuk to focus a little less on apples and a little more on his studies, and time for Rem to finally write that novel she'd been thinking about starting for at least half the years Misa had known her. With all that, it was normal for Misa to feel distance between herself and Light. They'd come back to themselves eventually. They'd come back to each other. Wouldn't they?

The answer to that, as it so happened, was no. 

"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do," Misa murmured. Standing next to Rem in the kitchen, she felt tiny. She also felt safe, though she would never admit that out loud. 

Rem hummed thoughtfully, running a plate under the faucet. "He's always been odd."

"Yeah," Misa agreed. "But he's never been  _this_ odd. When we started dating, he was sweet and funny and charming and... I don't know... I guess he was  _passionate_. I really thought he enjoyed being with me. But now..."

Rem patted Misa's shoulder, her hand wet and cold from the sink. "Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's something. But if you're unhappy, Misa, you don't have to stay for Light's sake."

"I'm not," Misa said. "Really. But I think Light is and I just wish I knew why."

She glanced up at Rem, in awe, as always, of how beautiful Rem was. Effortlessly beautiful. If Rem weren't Misa's best friend, Misa thought she might be jealous of how someone so lovely could spend so little time on her appearance every morning. All she'd ever seen Rem do was put on thick, smudgy eyeliner, lipstick in one of three colors (purple, blue, or black), and the occasional dash of body glitter. Most of Rem's clothes were athletic—tank tops and leggings—and tightly fitted, flattering her tall, lean, and muscular form. When she wasn't in sneakers, she wore a pair of black combat boots with silver buckles. She looked like a faerie queen.

"Can I make a cup of tea?"

Misa jumped, dropped the bowl she was washing, and spun around. "L! God, L, you startled me!"

L looked sheepish. "I'm not wearing shoes," he explained, as if he ever wore shoes. "Quieter like that. Sorry."

Misa rolled her shoulders, shaking off the last of the ants crawling under her skin. "It's okay." 

 

L crossed into the kitchen, Light following closely behind him. Misa's heart jumped at the sight of Light's tousled brown hair and molten bronze eyes. Every time she looked into them, she felt like she had the first time she'd seen Light. She'd thought he was some kind of faerie prince, tall and lithe, and bright. She'd liked his smile, his laugh, the way his hands seemed restless, always holding a pen or drumming on the table. Now Misa knew it as nervous energy, leftover from Light's maddening drive to be perfect. She liked to think she was partially responsible for its recent retreat, but part of her knew that was arrogance. 

"Hey, Light," she said, trying not to sound too eager. "Still doing homework?" 

As Light stepped farther into the kitchen, he rested his hand on the small of L's back, alerting L to his proximity as he went to get the kettle from the stove just as it started to shriek. In a few graceful movements, he poured the hot water into two mugs. Then he glanced up and, as an afterthought of sorts, asked, "Rem, Misa, would you like some?"

Misa felt Rem's hand on her shoulder, warm and dry now. "Misa," she murmured, a warning Misa did not understand. 

"I'd love some tea," Misa said. "Thank you." 

Light poured another cup. When he started to pour Rem's tea, Rem snatched the cup from his hands and poured it herself, scowling. Without another word, she turned on her heel and stalked out of the kitchen. Misa heard the heavy fall of her boots down the hall to the room they shared. And then Rem snapped, "L! Can I have a word out here?"

Reluctantly, L started to leave. "Light, your computer is still in my room. Would you like me to move it to yours?"

With a sideways glance at Misa, Light shrugged. He looked uneasy now that L was leaving. "That's all right. I'll get it."

Once L left, Misa turned to face Light. Dread sat in her stomach like a cold weight. "How was your day?" she asked, trying to keep her tone light and airy. 

"It was fine. I had a lot of work."

"Are we watching a movie tonight?"

"I still have a lot of work."

"Oh." Misa deflated and saw the way Light deflated, too. "Is something wrong?"

"No." Light crossed his arms, leaning against the counter. After a long, awkward pause, he said, "Yes. No. I... I'm not sure. I just... I think we need to talk."

 _There it is_ , Misa thought.  _We're done, aren't we?_

Slowly, carefully, she said, "I think I agree."


	2. Chapter 2

"So..." Ryuk said. Sitting cross-legged on his bed, munching on an apple, he looked like a church gargoyle. "You lied to her."

Light's face must have fallen, because Ryuk burst out laughing and tossed his apple aside. Light made a mental note of where the apple fell, just in case Ryuk forgot about it. It wouldn't do for Honeycrisp to find his namesake so carelessly discarded, not that Light cared all that much for Honeycrisp or any of Ryuk's beasts. 

"I didn't lie," he protested. "I just didn't tell her everything."

To Light's dismay, Ryuk seemed unimpressed. He picked at the chipping black paint on his fingernails, the very picture of boredom. In fact, had Light not known Ryuk since freshman year, he would have thought Ryuk was done talking. But he knew better by now how Ryuk worked, and Ryuk was seldom done talking. More seldom still was Ryuk done listening when someone else's problems were laid bare in front of him. Secrets, after all, made wonderful entertainment. 

Pensively, Ryuk said, "Come to think of it, I doubt you've told  _me_ everything." But before Light had time to protest, Ryuk shrugged and hopped off his bed, landing almost silently on the carpeted floor. As Ryuk advanced, Light thought he looked a bit like a devil. Most of the time, Ryuk dressed like he was in a basement rock band—dark blue hair gelled into spikes, at least six rings on each hand, black nail polish, platform boots despite the fact that he was over six feet tall, and thick black eyeliner around striking amber eyes. Light had read somewhere that amber eyes were rare, so it only made sense that Ryuk had them. He was at least seven different kinds of strange. 

"I-I've told you everything," Light insisted. "I swear." 

"Right, right, right." Ryuk started to pace, his strides long and even. "Tell me again  _exactly_ what you told Misa." 

Light sighed, wondering if this wasn't just some elaborate humiliation for Ryuk's amusement. "I said we should focus on ourselves before we focus on each other. That's reasonable, isn't it?"

Ryuk snorted. "You want my honest opinion?"

"Always."  _No_. 

"It sucks." Mid-step, Ryuk stopped and made a sharp turn. "You really said that?"

Suddenly self-conscious, Light pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. "Yes. I thought it would... soften the blow a little bit."

"Right, right, right, okay. So why'd you  _really_ break up with her? Is there some other girl you're not telling me about?"

Light's stomach gave a nauseating twist. He averted his eyes from Ryuk's, almost afraid that Ryuk would see right through into his soul, no matter how ridiculous that sounded. He mumbled, "No other girl," and fell back onto his pillows. At least this way, he had an excuse to avoid Ryuk's gaze. "I wouldn't do that to Misa."

"I believe you." It was hard to tell by Ryuk's tone whether or not that was true. "But let me ask you something—and promise you won't get mad—before you make any grand decisions."

"Shoot," Light said, making a gun with his fingers and pointing it at Ryuk. 

"Do you think this has anything to do with how close you've been getting with L?"

*_*_*_*_*_*

It was harder than Rem had thought it would be, watching Misa cry without being able to help her. Rem tried everything she could think of, but nothing worked and Misa continued sobbing into her pillows, into her hands, even into Rem's shoulder, while Rem's heart broke for her. 

"Misa..." Rem brushed aside a strand of hair glued to the tears on Misa's cheek. "Is there anything at all I can do?" 

Without raising her face from Rem's shirt, Misa shook her head. Her shoulders heaved with sob after sob. She did not give Rem any answer, so Rem returned to rubbing Misa's back. It was the least she could do. Only a few minutes passed, but it felt like hours before Misa's crying slowed and she let Rem help her out of her tightly-laced boots so she could lie more comfortably on the bed. 

In a hoarse whisper, Misa said, "Thank you." Her palm cupped Rem's cheek and Rem pretended it didn't make her heart skip a beat. 

"Of course." Rem pulled off her shoes and tossed them on the floor next to Misa's. "Anything you need."

Misa looked up, her face red, blotchy, and sticky with tears. "He said we need space. To work on ourselves. To... I don't know, maybe grow as people? What the  _fuck_ does that even mean?" 

If she was being honest, Rem had a few theories as to what that meant, none of which she could (or would) share with Misa. If Rem was right about Light, then telling Misa would be a betrayal of what little trust the two of them shared, and if she was wrong... Well, if she was wrong, she was wrong, and there was no point in mentioning it.  _What if he doesn't even know?_ Rem asked herself.  _You didn't know at first either._

But living with Light had made it abundantly clear to Rem that she was not wrong. Not by a long shot. She saw the way Light was with Misa, like he thought he could fake it until he really fell. She saw the way his muscles tensed right before he told Misa he loved her, before he pulled her in for one of those sickeningly sweet kisses they liked to share in the living room. And then there was L Lawliet. Specifically, there was L Lawliet as he pertained to Light. If Rem was being honest, she couldn't see whatever it was Light saw in L, but if Rem was being honest, she didn't think much about it. L was thin and sharp and often too British for his own good. Not to mention, for all his intelligence, he rarely knew the ups and downs of communication. Uptight, perfect Light and strange, imperfect L seemed like an awful fit. But Rem noticed the way Light changed around L. She never saw him blush except when he accidentally bumped into L in the kitchen or their hands accidentally touched reaching for the teapot. Until recently, Rem hadn't been sure Light  _could_ blush. 

"Maybe it doesn't mean anything," Rem suggested. "He's not worth it, if you ask me."

The glare Misa shot Rem could have melted through mountains. "Do you think he's cheating on me?"

"No. Much as I hate to admit it, Light doesn't seem like the cheating type."

"But he never let me on his phone anymore, even to take pictures. And he was always busy when I wanted to go out or stay in or  _anything_. Is there something wrong with me? Oh, I know, I'm too stupid for him! Stupid Misa and her oh-so-smart boyfriend! That's why he broke up with me, isn't it? Because I'm dumb and he's a super genius—"

"Misa..."

"—and he's embarrassed to tell people he's dating me, and—"

"Misa, I don't think—"

"—Or what if this is about my career? Do you think he's jealous of other guys looking at me when I'm performing? If that's what this is about, he should know I'd give it all up in a second for him! I would do  _anything_ for him, doesn't he realize? And I'd never look at any of those other guys. They aren't Light, so I don't want them. Rem, what if he broke up with me because—"

"Misa!" Rem had to raise her voice, but Misa stopped rambling, out of breath. "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I don't think Light broke up with you to hurt you. I think... I'm pretty sure he's broken up with you now to stop himself from hurting you later."

A moment passed as Misa considered this. Then Misa asked, "Why? Whatever it is, I can handle it. I love him."

"I know." Rem's heart broke for Misa. "It'll get better. I promise."

Sluggish and disheveled from crying, Misa lay down on her bed. She didn't even bother to put on her nightclothes, just lay down and closed her eyes.  _Guess it's bedtime, then,_ Rem thought. It was a little early, but she didn't mind. An extra few hours of sleep might help her  _not_ murder Light in the morning. But when she tried to climb down from Misa's bed, she felt Misa's arms wrap around her waist, pulling her back. 

"Can you stay?" Misa asked, soft and a little hoarse. "Just for tonight?"

Rem lay back down, ignoring the way her heart skipped as Misa's cheek rested against her shoulder. "Of course."


	3. Chapter 3

A week and a half after Misa and Light's breakup, L noticed Light avoiding him. Any other day, he would have asked Misa what was wrong, but Light and Misa were avoiding each other, too, so L kept his questions to himself. He went to his classes, did his homework, wrote papers, baked cookies, ate sweets, and played with Ryuk's cats. He let Red Delicious pad alongside him wherever he went and enjoyed the uneven sound of three little paws on the hardwood floors. He drank tea with Rem, ate apples with Ryuk, and pretended everything—absolutely everything—was normal. 

Halfway through his fourth paper of the semester, L felt his phone buzz in his back pocket. The caller ID blinked ominously: _Mello-drama_. 

"L," said L, dangling the phone by his ear. On the other end of the line, his brother's laugh brought back a thousand childhood memories. 

"Dumbass." Mello said it with affection. "I know who you are."

Right. L hid his own laughter behind a cough, very conscious of the fact that his brother was more than smart enough to hear right through it. But if Mello noticed (which he surely did), he let it slide.  _Time to bite the bullet_ , L thought. He asked Mello what the call was for. At first, Mello's answer seemed to be a long, uncomfortable silence in which L could hear a clock ticking in the background. Then Mello's hand covered the phone, making a horrible thumping sound, and he whispered something that sounded a lot like,  _"This was a bad idea_ _,"_ to someone nearby. L pretended not to notice the interruption. He knew better by now than to rush Mello, especially when Mello sounded nervous. 

Finally, Mello took his hand off the phone and said, "Hi, I'm back."

"You never left," L pointed out. Better to pretend he was clueless than to scare Mello off. 

"Yeah. You're right. Absolutely."

"Mel, is something wrong?" L tried not to sound worried. He failed. 

Mello laughed again, forced this time, too loud and harsh. "No, everyone's good here. I'm good, Near's good, Dad's good. We're all good. Right as rain. Fantastic. Wonderful. Did you know Near got his test scores back and didn't tell us about them?"

Much as he wanted Mello to stop stalling, L said, "Oh?" and waited for Mello to tell him about Near's grades. 

"He didn't want to show us because he was embarrassed. Can you believe it? He scored a 105 out of 100% and he's  _embarrassed_."

L nodded, though Mello couldn't see him. "Sounds like Near. Are you sure you're okay?"

Another performative laugh and then Mello admitted that, no, he was  _not_ sure he was okay. He was anxious, tired, nauseated (a side-effect of the anxiety), and he looked awful. L didn't have the heart to remind Mello that this was a phone conversation. Even if Mello looked terrible, L had no way of knowing. But he could hear an edge to his brother's voice, that was for sure. Mello never called just to say hello. He texted to say hello. Sometimes he forgot entirely. He was moody and impulsive, but also independent and strong-willed. He didn't pick up the phone over the little things, not like Near did. He didn't call just to hear L's voice.  _Something isn't right,_ L thought. He realized the thought terrified him. 

"Mello, I need you to be honest with me right now. Are you taking your meds?"

Mello scoffed, sounding genuinely offended. "Of course. Do you think I'm stupid?"

 _There it is. He's defensive._ "You know I don't."

"I'm fine."

"I didn't ask if you were."

"Well, I said it. I'm fine." Mello covered and uncovered the phone without saying anything to whoever he was with. "Listen, it's nothing. I shouldn't have called. It's fine. You sound busy—"

"I'm not. Honestly, Mel, if there's something going on, you know you can—"

"I'm dating someone." Mello barely whispered it, his voice tight with fear. "Matt."

"Matt?" L remembered a Matt staying with the family for a few months during Mello's sophomore year of high school. If L remembered correctly, Matt had been thrown out of his parents' house and Mello had offered to take him in. Neither L nor Near had argued, their father had been more than happy to look after another wayward young man, even if it was only for a little while. As for Matt himself, L remembered him being quiet, reserved, and more than a little depressed. At the time, L had noticed the initial warning signs of nicotine dependency. He wondered if Matt still smoked or if Mello had convinced him to give it up. 

Silence lay between L and his brother, thick and choking even over the phone, and then Mello said, "L, please say something." 

L floundered. "Did you just... call me to come out?"

On the other end of the line, Mello inhaled sharply. "So what if I did?" he asked, low and defensive. 

"It's all right, Mel. I was just asking." L moved the phone to his other hand. "Have you told Dad?"

"No."

"Near?"

"No."

"Just me?"

"Yes."

For once, L found himself genuinely speechless. He tried to think of what to say, how to tell Mello that trust like this meant the world to him, and only drew blanks.

"L?" Mello's voice still sounded nervous. "You there?"

"Yeah, I'm here," L replied. "I just... How long have you been with him?"

"Just a year," Mello admitted. Before L could congratulate him, Mello added, "He makes me happy."

And that was all L needed to hear. If Mello was happy, then L was happy. He still couldn't resist saying, "Yeah, but I'll kick his ass if he hurts you. I'm stronger than I look."

"I'm hanging up now," Mello said, laughing. 

"I will," L insisted. "He hurts you, I kick his ass, and that's that."

"I love you." Mello said it like an afterthought, the way he always showed affection. "I'm hanging up."

The line went dead.  _I guess it's my turn_ _to be honest_ , L thought. 

He put his phone on his desk and went to find his friends. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's psyched for a roommate heart-to-heart?


	4. Chapter 4

Despite all the evidence, Light couldn't help but be surprised. But when Ryuk cast a glance his way, eyebrows raised, Light felt a prickle of unease. No matter how hard he tried to forget, Light hadn't stopped thinking about what Ryuk had said. Breaking up with Misa seemed like a mistake now. If breaking up opened Light up to Ryuk's keen observations, then he wished he could go back a week and a half and fix it. He just wished he could fix it all. Then Misa wouldn't be ignoring him, Rem wouldn't be glaring daggers, and Light wouldn't be avoiding L. Things would be normal. Light would probably be sitting in L's room right now, doing his homework or drinking tea or just talking until dawn. 

But no matter how hard he wished, Light could not turn back the clock. 

Besides, there was something else bothering Light. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on. Bitterness or envy, maybe, but at what? Not L. Certainly not L. Light was happy for L, really, and he was happy to be one of the first to know. Still, he felt trapped between a rock and a hard place. When Rem initiated a rare group hug, Light made sure he was closest to L. With his arms around L's neck, Light whispered, "Sorry I've been avoiding you." His eyes stung. There weren't enough ways to apologize. 

L laughed, his breath warm against Light's shoulder. "You've had a tough week."

Ryuk jabbed his elbow into Light's side. "Hey, stop whispering! It's rude! If you've got something to say, make sure the rest of us can hear you. Even Red Delicious."

Light rolled his eyes, stepping out of the group hug. Red Delicious sat on the arm of the sofa, licking his lone front paw and rubbing it over the ragged half of his left ear. He blinked at Light as if to say,  _I know you're talking about me._  For a half deaf cat, Red Delicious seemed to know a lot about what people were saying. Or maybe it was Light's imagination and distrust of cats getting the better of him. Either way, Red Delicious was, to put it simply, creepy. 

Red Delicious meowed. It was more like a scream. 

"Light?" L's fingers brushed Light's elbow, raising goosebumps on the surrounding skin. Light pretended not to notice how he'd missed casual gestures like these this past week. "Are you okay? You look troubled, and I..."

Light shook L's hand off his arm, disgusting it as a shrug. "I'm fine. Don't let me ruin your evening, okay?"

L considered it for a moment, then said, "You aren't. If you have the time, I wanted to talk to you. Privately."

Swallowing his anxiety, Light nodded. "Of course." 

L led him out of the apartment and into the hall, where no one would overhear their conversation. In the fluorescents, L looked like a ghost. In a movement that was at once familiar and jarring, L raised his hand to his mouth and rested the tip of his thumb on his lower lip. Light focused on a spider crawling up the wall beside him. 

"Is something the matter with Light?" L asked, his voice quiet and full of concern. Light felt a pang of guilt.  _This isn't supposed to about me._

So he lied. It was getting too easy to do that these days. "Nothing at all."

"Hmm." L chewed at the skin around his nail. "Really?"

"Really." Even Light found himself unconvincing. He hugged himself and twisted his hands in the sleeves of his sweater. "I've just been thinking... I was with Misa because I thought it was what everyone wanted from me. But I should have thought about whether I was attracted to  _her_ or to the  _idea_ of her before I made a commitment. You know?"

L's mouth twitched into a tiny smile that disappeared just as quickly. "I do. You and Misa were perfect for everyone but each other, isn't that so?"

"I don't know. I just don't know anymore." Light slumped against the wall, bracing his hands on his knees. He felt a little bit sick, like he was the only thing standing still in the midst of a spinning world. He stood in the eye of a storm, watching as his life spiraled and spiraled, helpless to do anything. "I loved her, but it wasn't enough. I wasn't in love with her. Now that I think about it, I doubt I've ever been in love before. You must think I'm a cold-hearted bastard."

Light closed his eyes, a tear rolling down his cheek. Cool, dry fingers brushed it away, and when he looked up, L was looking at him with the strangest curiosity in his eyes. The more Light looked at L, the faster his heart raced, warming his whole chest like a miniature sun. Or a volcano. A volcano was better—something that had, until now, been dormant. 

"You aren't cold-hearted," L assured him. "Light is anything but. He just needs to see himself the way I do."

In some flight of fancy, Light pushed himself off of the wall and took L's face in his hands.  _What am I doing?_ he asked himself, but he already knew the answer. He didn't care. Whatever he was doing, he was doing for himself. He was done being Yagami Light, perfect student, perfect friend, and perfect son. He was done being who everyone else wanted him to be and who he thought he should be. He was done living a life planned with a pencil and paper. 

"What are you doing?" L sounded as surprised as Light felt. 

The only answer Light could find was a kiss. 


	5. Chapter 5

Everything happened too fast for L to think. First, Light kissed him. The kiss was perfect. Light's lips were soft and warm, a little bit minty, and L wanted nothing more than to melt into this moment. He could stay here and now forever.

But a second later, Light pushed L away, looking horrified.  _At himself? At me?_

"This didn't happen," he said. L heard the distress in his voice like a siren. "This did  _not_ happen."

L fumbled for a reply, stunned. Now he understood why people said they got drunk on kisses—this one was intoxicating. But it had sobered Light, who stood with his arms hanging limply at his sides, pale and unsteady. One hand moved to steady Light against the wall. L pressed his back against the wall opposite Light, wary of the fear spreading through his limbs like ice. He would fall. He was certain of that. If that was the case, then he wanted to fall where no one would see him. Where  _Light_ wouldn't see him. 

"If you tell anyone," Light started, "I'll never—"

"I know." L slid down the wall and sat on the floor, putting his head in his hands. He just wanted the ground to open up and swallow him, but apparently that was too much to ask. "I wouldn't do that."

"Good." Light's arms crossed tightly. "Because I'm not... You know I'm not..."

L felt sick. "Not like me," he finished for Light, his voice harsher than he'd meant. "Is that what you're trying to say?"

All the blood drained from Light's face as he realized what he'd said, how much he'd hurt L. A minute ago, L would have tried to comfort him, but now... Now L didn't know what to do. Half of him wanted to leave Light here, alone and scared in the hallway. It would serve him right, wouldn't it, getting abandoned in the hall, especially if L locked him out of the apartment. Neither of them had brought their keys out with them. But even as he imagined it, L knew he couldn't carry through. 

"You know it isn't," Light said softly. "It's just that I'm  _not_."

L scoffed. "Right. Fine. You know you can actually use the word, right? You won't catch fire. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lot of homework to do." That was a lie and L knew Light knew it. "And you've got a veritable goldmine of denial to work through." 

This time, L did leave Light standing in the hall. By some mercy, he left it unlocked. 

*_*_*_*_*_*_*

 

 

Rem was angrier about the whole situation then L. She ranted and raved, pacing back and forth in her bedroom, and cursed Light to Hell and back. There was something strangely sweet about it, too, L thought. He spent so little time with Rem during the average week, but here she was coming to his aid when he needed a friend most. Silently, he made a mental note to keep Rem company more often. 

"I can't believe this," Rem said, the tail end of a very long, very angry sentence. "I can't  _fucking_ believe this."

"Well..." L shoved his hands in his pockets. 

"Oh, wait, no, I  _can_ believe it. This is typical Yagami Light, making everything about himself. You know you did absolutely nothing to deserve this, right?"

L nodded. 

"Good. I'm going to fucking murder him."

L laughed and Rem looked surprised. 

"What?" she asked. Her hands raked through her long, purple hair, pulling it into a messy bun. She had a scythe tattoo on the back of her neck, the lines of its blade crisp and threatening. But Rem herself wasn't threatening. At least not to L, she wasn't. For all her gruffness and her towering height and remarkable (terrifying) strength, Rem had the kindest heart of anyone L had ever met. In many ways, she was like a guardian angel to everyone she met, even if most of them never realized. 

"Nothing, just... Thanks. For everything. It means a lot to me." L hugged his knees to his chest. 

Rem sat next to L on her bed. One hand found his shoulder and squeezed, strong and reassuring, melting away a little bit of the tension creeping through L's body. "Of course. I've been there and I know how hard it is, being honest, and I'm here for you. Okay?"

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me." Rem stared at the ground, her cheeks red. "You don't need to thank me."

"I know," L said. "That's why I am."

He could have sworn he saw Rem blink back tears. She gritted her teeth, took a deep breath, and looked back up at L. "I'm so angry at Light, but I wish I could help him. I hate to see anyone hurting the way he is."

L admitted that he, too, wished he could do more for Light. 

"He's struggling," Rem continued. "And he's scared. I get it. I was there, too, but that's no excuse."

L's mouth felt dry, his tongue heavy and covered with sand. "Do you think he..." His voice cracked. He swallowed and tried again. "Light, I mean. Do you think he has feelings for me?"

Rem wrung her hands. "Yes."

"Do you think he knows that?"

"Honestly, I'd be shocked if he did. He's obviously been falling for a while, though. Even Misa's starting to notice something's up with you two—It's been a headache trying to keep her in the dark until Light gets his fucking head out of his ass." As she said Misa's name, Rem hugged herself forlornly. L wondered if she even noticed herself doing it. "He thinks you're unattainable. Forbidden. I know what that's like." 

 _Misa_ , L thought. "I wish he wouldn't. I'm nothing special. I'm just... I'm just L."

Rem smiled, her eyes troubled. "Not to him, you're not." 

L wondered how that could possibly be true. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will probably be from Misa's perspective, so stay tuned!


	6. Chapter 6

Sometimes, on particularly bad days, Rem let Misa dress her up. Nothing cheered Misa up faster than running her hands through Rem's silky lilac hair, curling and twisting, holding it up with elaborate pins and invisible rubber bands. Rem had beautiful skin, smooth and soft to the touch, and she sat patiently while Misa poked and prodded with makeup brushes, eyeliner pens, and lipsticks. The only dresses Rem owned were the ones Misa chose for her. Of those, Misa's favorite was floor length and black with violet accents and violet laces on the back. The sheer, lacy sleeves made Rem look like an enchantress. That was the dress Misa chose today, happy for the distraction of tying all the laces and fastening a dozen buttons. 

"You'd look  _amazing_ in a backless dress," Misa said. She meant it, too. "It'd show off your muscles."

Rem's shoulders shook as she tried not to laugh. "I'll give it some thought." 

"Good. Now turn around and let me look at you."

Rem turned, her skirt flaring out around her. She was still barefoot, which made her reminiscent of a faerie queen.  _Or an angel_ , Misa thought. Her face flooded with warmth. 

How many times had Misa seen Rem in this dress? Too many times to count. So why did this time feel like the first? It was like she'd been looking at Rem all these years and never really  _seeing_. She might as well have been looking through brand new eyes, learning the lines of Rem's face, the depth of her eyes, the balance between of strength and grace in every single movement. Every moment spent looking at Rem seemed to melt into this one moment, into here and now, into how Rem's beauty cut through to Misa's heart. 

"Cat got your tongue?" Rem asked, dark blush spreading under her skin. 

Misa shook her head, clearing out the cobwebs. "You look beautiful. Not that you don't  _always_ look beautiful. Just... you look like... like an elf queen."

Rem smiled, ducking her head so that loose curls of hair fell in front of her face. "Thanks to you."

"Don't be ridiculous. You're gorgeous, Rem. Really." Though Misa couldn't imagine why, her heart raced as she said it. There was something new to all this, something new to Rem since The Breakup. It was like Misa was seeing her friend for the first time. How different Rem was now than when Misa had first met her. High school freshman Rem seemed a lifetime away, too shy and afraid to be herself, but not nearly confident enough to play a good game of charades. This Rem, the Rem that Misa knew now, was fearless, bold, and so heartbreakingly beautiful. Standing by the window, haloed by the orange rays of sunset, Rem was an angel. 

Misa shook the fog from her mind, pulling out her phone to take a picture as Rem gazed into the trees with those wine-dark black eyes. This time, she made sure the sound was off so Rem wouldn't catch her.  _At least not until it's on Instagram_ , she thought. 

"Misa," Rem said. She even sounded different now, her voice sweet and melodic. "If this is how you drown your pain, I'd like to think there are other ways to help. I hate seeing you so sad."

But that was just it. Here with Rem, Misa was so far away from sad. 

"I'm not sad," she told Rem. "Not anymore. Not with you."

Rem laughed, a sound as soothing as ocean waves. "You're sweet. But if you want me to beat up Light for you, you know you can just ask."

"Really, Rem? After all these years? After  _living_ with Light? You still want to beat him up?"

Rem shrugged.  _She even makes that graceful_. "What can I say? I'm a simple woman with few desires. Punching Yagami Light in his stupid face just happens to be at the top of my list." It might have been Misa's imagination, but Rem's voice carried a hint of fondness. 

"But don't you think he's going through something right now?"

"How do you mean?" Rem turned away from the window. 

Misa didn't know what she meant, really. "I guess I'm still in the habit of worrying about him. You know? He's been acting so weird since we broke up—even before that—and I just wish I could help."

"Sometimes it helps to step back."

 _She's avoiding something_. "But why? I want to understand Light. I want to know why I wasn't good enough for him."

All that sadness, the shadows kept at bay by Rem's radiance, came crashing back. 

"Oh, Misa..." Rem crossed the room and pulled Misa into a warm hug. "Don't do that to yourself. You  _know_ it wasn't about you."

The truth was, Misa didn't know. She wanted to believe, but she couldn't. "I... You remember how things weren't right for a while? He got so  _distant_. He would hold me and I'd feel like I was in the arms of an ice sculpture or some stupid shit like that. He went through all the motions of being in love, but his heart wasn't in it anymore. He didn't want to be with me. It was like we were only together because he liked the idea of us, not because he actually liked  _me_."

"No accounting for taste," Rem said, her tone almost breezy. Rem  _never_ used a breezy tone—not once. "Remember junior year of high school?"

"Mm-hm."

"Remember who I dated?"

"Unfortunately."

"You know why I dated him?"

Misa tried not to laugh. "Because you were closeted?"

"Well, yeah." Rem rolled her eyes, her cheeks flushed pink. "But that wasn't it. I dated him because I wanted to be his friend. I knew I wasn't in love with him and I knew he wasn't in love with me, but it was a fine arrangement. After that first week, we just acted like a couple in front of other people. The rest of the time we played video games or baked pies or—I don't know—played with one of his thousand cats."

Honeycrisp, curled up on Misa's pillows, chirped at the mention of cats. Misa petted the top of his head. "You were one of them, buddy!" she cooed. "You were just the bestest little kitty cat, huh? Weren't you? Yeah. You were. Best cat. Cute, good, pure boy."

Unamused, Honeycrisp returned to his nap. 

"So... what you're saying is he dated me because he wanted to be my friend?"

"There's no doubt that he loves you. He just doesn't..." 

" _Love_ me?"

"I suppose."

Strangely, it was comforting to hear. "Do you?" Misa asked. "Love me, I mean?"

Rem cast her a playfully withering glare. "Don't push your luck."

It was then that Amane Misa realized, well and truly and with no room for doubt, that she  _wanted_ Rem to love her. To be  _in love_ with her. 

The thought was as terrifying as it was wonderful. 


	7. Chapter 7

On a quiet October night—a Thursday—Ryuk woke to the sound of muffled voices outside his bedroom door. When he listened closer, he narrowed it down to one voice and the soft buzz of someone on the other end of a cellphone line. A glance at Light's bed confirmed that Ryuk's roommate had snuck out, and a hand laid across the pillow confirmed that he had only snuck out recently. Ryuk started toward the door, stepping as silently as he could, and tried to make out what Light was saying. He knew he shouldn't, but he also knew it would kill him not to know, so he cut his losses and listened. 

"I don't know, Sayu," Light was saying. "I just don't know. God, I feel sick."

There was a pause as Sayu responded. Ryuk heard the pitch of the buzzing climb higher and higher. 

"Sayu—Sayu, stop. That's not what I said. This has never happened before, not ever, and it won't happen again. Not ever. Okay? I'm not sure I even  _am_ into him. It might be my imagination. Maybe it's just my imagination." Maybe it was just Ryuk's imagination, but Light sounded hopeful. 

Guilty and tired, Ryuk climbed back into bed and felt Red Delicious curl up against his chest. He could tell it was Red Delicious by the uneven weight of three paws and by the rumble of Red Delicious' unforgettable, scratchy purr. In a matter of minutes, Ryuk was asleep.

Friday morning, Ryuk and Light sat in silence at the kitchen table, sipping coffee and eating breakfast under a strange and unspoken agreement that neither would admit that they knew. Ryuk would not admit to listening to Light's phone conversation, however briefly, and Light would not admit to hearing Ryuk's footsteps through his haze of paranoia. Things worked better this way, if they feigned ignorance in favor of peace. 

Finally, Light said, "Nice day out there, huh?" and Ryuk said, "Fantastic. Yeah."

They talked about the weather for a while before moving onto the much-anticipated midterms. Would Light be pulling a lot of all-nighters? No? Oh, good, because Ryuk was hoping to get a lot of sleep while everyone else scrambled to study. It wouldn't do to study now, would it? Not when he'd been getting by so nicely without. It was simply unnecessary.

"So, are you going to cram for your tests with L or someone else?"

Light's head jerked up, his eyes focusing in on Ryuk's. "I'm not doing anything with L," he said. 

Ryuk raised an eyebrow. "Really? Looks to me like you two are fighting."

"We're not," Light insisted, pushing his chair back from the table. "Eat your breakfast before it gets cold."

"It's cereal." 

"That's nice. You should keep it warm, okay?" Light started for the door to his and Ryuk's room, a little bit unsteady, and waved his hand to dissuade Ryuk from following. 

As the door slammed shut, Ryuk called, "It's  _supposed_ to be cold."

Like clockwork, the door to Rem and Misa's room creaked open. Rem stomped into the kitchen, but that didn't mean much of anything to Ryuk. Rem stomped everywhere, no matter her mood. Didn't mean she was angry at him or anything. Although, knowing himself as well as he did, Ryuk wouldn't have been surprised either way.

"What was that about?" Rem eyed the door to Ryuk and Light's room warily. 

Ryuk shrugged. "Dunno."

"Try harder."

"Light's in a mood?"

"Bullshit. What'd you do." Rem peeled a banana, taking a seat in Light's abandoned chair. 

Ryuk dropped his spoon back into his cereal. No use eating that anymore, he supposed. It was soggy and gross, anyway. "Asked him if he was studying with L."

"Ryuk..." There was a warning in Rem's tone, which Ryuk ignored. 

"Speaking of forbidden topics, how are things with Misa now that she's single?"

Wrinkling her nose, Rem tossed the banana peel at Ryuk's head. "Shut up."

"You're blushing."

"Shut up or I safety-pin your mouth shut." 

"Fine." Ryuk folded himself into a pretzel in his chair. "I don't get what the big deal is. You like her, right? Ask her out."

"No!"

"Oh, come on, Rem. What's the worst possible scenario?"

From the look on Rem's face, she could think of a  _lot_ of worst case scenarios. But she simply said, "How about ruining a friendship? You know, the way you're doing with Light?"

Shame jolted through Ryuk's body. Hell, he hated that feeling, like Rem could see right through him into the horrible person he really was. It didn't matter whether or not he  _was_ a horrible person. If there was a speck of dirt on his soul, Rem could see it. But what was he going to say, that he wasn't ruining a good friendship? If he said that, Rem would point out the way Light had just fled the room like he had fire trucks instead of shoes. Ryuk couldn't argue with that. Light's departure  _was_ his fault, at least this time. He could say he only wanted to help, but he knew that would never go over with Rem. Rem, of all people, understood what Light must have been going through. She'd say a friendly nudge in the right direction to Ryuk was a threat to Light, and she would probably be right. What did Ryuk know? All he had was four cats and an unhealthy amount of apples sitting in a bowl on his desk. 

He pushed his cereal away and pouted—not his proudest moment. "I'm not trying to."

"The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, Ryuk. He'll figure it out when he's ready to figure it out, not a second sooner. Keep this up and he'll keep everything bottled up forever."

"I helped you, didn't I?" Ryuk asked. Rem laughed.

"Yes. Yes, Ryuk, you did. You irritated me so much that I decided I absolutely couldn't stand another boyfriend charade. But I don't think that tactic would work with Light."

"Pfft," Ryuk snorted. "Like I'd date Light. He's too clean-cut."

Rem's mouth twisted into a half-smile. "You've thought about it?"

"Nah. Just isn't my type."

"Oh, so you have a type now?"

Ryuk admitted that, no, he didn't have a type. "But if I  _did_ have a type, it wouldn't be Light; I can tell you that for damn sure."

Contemplative silence stretched over the table. Ryuk wanted to rip through it with a joke, but he couldn't think of any. Instead, he waited until Rem cleared her throat, put her hands in front of her on the table, and said, "So you think I'm right?"

"About?" Ryuk already knew what Rem meant. More than that, he already knew that Rem knew what he meant, too. But it couldn't hurt to hear someone else say it, right? At least that would mean he wasn't crazy.

"Light," Rem murmured. "You know, for a second I thought L coming out might make things easier for Light. I mean, I know I'm out, too, but I've always been out as far as Light knows. He didn't know me in high school. He didn't see me at my worst the way you and Misa did. You know? He just saw me the way I am now, done with hiding, done with pretenses and charades to make other people's lives easier for them. But I really thought it might help him to see he wasn't alone, that L was going through what he was going through in some way or another. I guess I overestimated him."

"Don't you mean underestimated?" Ryuk asked. Rem shot him a glare that told him she'd meant  _exactly_ what she had said. 

"Tell you what," she said after a cautious pause. Her brows knitted together and pulled apart, betraying the worry she worked hard to hide. "You help Light—"

"Thought you'd never—" Ryuk started.

"—without terrorizing him."

Ryuk's shoulders deflated. "Oh."

"You help Light and I'll ask Misa to go on a date with me."

For a second, Ryuk thought he must have been hearing things. As long as he'd known Rem, he had never known her to be this forward. As long as he'd known Rem  _and_ Light, he'd never known Rem to care so much about Light that she would put herself at some personal risk to help him. But Rem looked determined, her hands nervously tugging her lilac hair into a tight ponytail. 

"Fine," Ryuk said, holding out his hand. "But no cheating. You ask her out, you  _ask her out_. None of this 'grabbing coffee as friends' bullshit."

Rem scowled and Ryuk fought the urge to do a victory dance. Like it or not, he had Rem's number by now. He knew her tricks. 

"Deal." Rem's hand closed on Ryuk's, squeezing hard enough to hurt. "You get Light and L together and I'll work on me and Misa."

"Misa and me," Ryuk corrected. He was only half sure that was right. 

"Can it."

"Love you!"

"Fuck off." Rem stood up and started toward her room.

"Marry me?"

Rem disappeared back into her room. "Never!"

Before he could chase after her, the door slammed in Ryuk's face. He burst out laughing, struggling to keep his cool as he cleared the kitchen table and washed the dishes. This was good, he told himself. All he had to do was get Light out of his shell a little bit. Light would do the rest for him, he supposed, since Yagami Light never hesitated when it came to getting what he wanted. If Light wanted L, he would get L. The only problem (and with Ryuk on board, it could hardly be called a problem) was getting Light to  _admit_ that he wanted to go out with L. 

A single apple sat next to the bottle of honey on the counter. Taking it as a sign, Ryuk grabbed a knife, cut the apple into slices, and poured some honey into a little bowl. He dipped one of the pieces into the honey, twirling it round and round until he had covered half the apple slice.

 _Here's to good luck_ , he thought, and took a bite. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering about the apples and honey: I love apples and I'm Jewish. Apples and honey are a really common thing to eat during the Jewish New Year to usher in a year full of sweetness, so having Ryuk eat them is a little bit of a sentimental thing. I don't think (this could change, though) that he's Jewish in this AU, but I like the food combination and I'd guess Ryuk (as an apple lover) would, too. Also, did I mention I love apples?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you ask, Rem is a rower because I'm on my school's rowing team and I love rowing. Also because Misa's type is definitely "female rowers with purple hair." And if you've ever seen someone who is serious about rowing, they're usually in pretty damn good shape. Blatant fanservice for those of us who adore Rem? Maybe. Just a bit.

_Rem,  
__Sorry about everything. I'll explain. Talk in the kitchen at 10:00?_  
Light.

That was the note Rem discovered on the refrigerator at 5:00 on Monday morning when she went to fetch her water bottle before practice. She could scarcely imagine what Light would want to talk to her about or what he would feel obligated to explain, but she found herself nonetheless optimistic. Must have been the drowsiness talking, she decided as she pulled on a sweater and headed out the door. Yes, drowsiness explained it. She hadn't slept all that well in the days following her deal with Ryuk. No... It was more a deal with the devil.

"Morning, Rem," said Naomi when they ran into each other in front of the gym. As she did every morning, Naomi looked bright-eyed and well-rested. Checking her watch (5:55), Rem could not bring herself to understand just  _how_. Still, she felt a surge of gratitude for her teammate's enthusiasm and offered a tired smile. 

"Morning."

As they walked toward the tanks, Naomi told Rem about her evening and about the date she'd gone on with some guy named Raye Penber. He was, according to Naomi, an international student. An  _American_ exchange student. And, also according to Naomi, he was a gentleman. Not one of those fake "gentlemen" she usually ran into, who held doors and picked up fallen notebooks because of some shared delusion that women were obliged to men who showed them kindness. No, Raye Penber was the genuine article. 

"When he pulled out my chair at dinner, I got worried," Naomi admitted. "But he didn't even expect a kiss at the door when he dropped me off. I know, I know, that doesn't sound like a high bar, but you would not  _believe_ the creeps I've gone out with recently. Raye is... He's just different. You know?"

Rem, who had taken a drink while Naomi was talking, nearly choked laughing. "He's American, for one."

Naomi gave a dramatic sigh. "He's from  _Texas._ I honestly don't know why I said yes to going out with him in the first place, but I'm so glad I did. Call me crazy—and I know you will—but I think he could be the One."

"You're absolutely right about that," Rem started. "I do think you're crazy. But not because of Raye Penber."

"Bitch," said Naomi affectionately. 

After practice, Rem took a walk around campus, drinking coffee and killing time until she had to talk to Light. At 8:00, she went home, took a shower, took a nap, and set her alarm for 9:45. 

At 9:45, Rem's alarm went off. She got up just in time to see L, Misa, and Ryuk leaving for class.  _Smart move, Light_ , she thought.  _Get them out of the apartment before... whatever the fuck this is_. The note was already gone when Rem went into the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea, no doubt an attempt on Light's part at secrecy. Leaning against the counter, a cup of tea in hand, was Light. When Rem stepped into the kitchen, he startled and nearly dropped his tea, regaining composure through a series of short, sharp breaths. 

"You're early," he said. His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. 

"You look surprised."

"I... wasn't sure you'd get the note."

 _You mean you_ hoped _I wouldn't get the note_. "I see." 

Light looked so anxious and uncomfortable that Rem almost felt sorry for him. His fingers gripped the mug of tea so hard that they turned white, he refused to meet Rem's eyes, and he seemed on the verge of tears. Surprise jolted through Rem's mind—He hadn't called her here to talk about  _that_ , had he? It was probably some bullshit excuse about why he'd broken up with Misa and why Rem really shouldn't be angry at him for breaking her best friend's heart. After all, he was Light. He was everyone's golden boy, the star pupil, the athlete, the friend to everyone he met. In light of all that, would it really be like him to break a girl's heart without a perfectly good reason? 

Yes. 

"Do you want to sit?" Light asked, gesturing toward the empty kitchen counter. 

"Actually," Rem said, pointing to the kettle on the stove, "I was going to make myself some tea. But you can sit."

Light nodded but stayed where he was, as if he needed the counter to stay upright. "Right," he said softly. "Right. Okay. Uh... Do you mind if I talk? It's just, we haven't got a lot of time before everyone gets back, and I..."

Rem checked her watch. They had an hour and forty-five minutes. "Sure," she said. "I'm dying to hear it."

For a minute, the only sound was the stove crackling to life and the water in the tea kettle starting to boil again. Then Light put his empty mug in the sink, shoved his hands in his pockets, and sighed. He really  _did_ look sick. 

"How did you... I mean, when you were in high school, how did you know you were..."

"A lesbian?"

"Yes." Light stared down at the floor with such intensity that Rem felt almost surprised not to see the tiles catch fire. 

"Around the time everyone started dating, I guess. I wanted to date girls."

"But you dated boys. You dated  _Ryuk,_ " Light argued. 

Rem rolled her eyes. "Don't remind me. I dated them because I wanted to prove a point to myself. That I wasn't gay. That I didn't like girls. It was my own personal rebellion against... myself, I guess. No one else would have cared, but I kept telling myself they would. I thought my parents would be mad, or my friends, or my grandparents, or my teachers, or the little old lady who lived down the hall. You get what I mean?"

Light admitted that he did. 

"But it wasn't worth it. Ryuk was irritating enough to show me that. No matter what I did, I felt like a fraud. I was lying to everyone  _and_ myself, and I couldn't do it. It was exhausting, you know, trying to live up to everyone's standards. So I just stopped trying. Turns out the only person who had those standards was me. It isn't like that for everyone, but it was for me. I got lucky, maybe. Or maybe I just had a group of really great people to support me. Misa and Ryuk were the first people I told and they're still here, aren't they?"

A dozen emotions flickered across Light's face: panic, sadness, anger, and determination among them. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again, and Rem couldn't help but notice that something was different now. Light seemed less like the Light Rem hated and more like the Light she sometimes liked. He took his hands out of his pockets, crossed his arms, and looked up. 

"Thank you," he said, barely an audible whisper. His fingers twisted in the sleeves of his sweater. 

"You didn't ask me to come here just so I could tell you my life story, did you?" Rem asked, only half teasing. "You've heard it before."

Pale and rigid, Light shook his head. "I know. I just needed to hear it. Rem, do you think my parents would... I mean, I always want to live up to their expectations and be the perfect son, but lately I just... I don't know how to do it anymore. I want to be honest with them, but I don't know if I can."

"Light..." 

"Wait. Let me finish," Light said, his voice stronger now. "I have to say something to someone and... you're the one I trust the most with this."

Warmth blossomed from Rem's heart. "You trust me?"

"Yeah. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I'm also gay?" He said it like it was a question, but Rem knew it wasn't. She'd heard herself say it that way enough times to know that it was a statement, a declaration of sorts. And from the way Light was shaking, it must have been a weight off his shoulders. 

"I'm glad you told me," Rem said when she finally found her voice. "I know how hard that was."

The sound of the kettle whistling shook both of them out of their daze. Light started to laugh, breathless and giddy with the sudden dissipation of fear, and Rem laughed with him. As she went to pick up the kettle, she stopped and gave Light a hug. He stumbled a little, surprised and unsteady, and Rem caught him easily. 

"Careful," she said. "Can I make you some tea?"

Light took his cup out of the sink, rinsed it, and handed it to Rem. He nodded, his hair flopping in front of his eyes. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it."

"Not the tea. Thank you for listening. I know you're not my biggest fan, and I don't blame you for it, but... it was nice being able to tell someone."

Rem wanted to ask why Light had chosen her, but she thought she already knew the answer. Light had told her because shared experience made him bold. He had told her instead of L because he didn't know where he and L stood anymore, not after the kiss.  _Especially_ not after how badly he had reacted to the kiss. Better not to tell Light, she decided, how much she knew. 

Instead, she said, "Maybe not right now, but you're growing on me. Like mold."

"Ugh." 

"Or a fungus." Rem poured two cups of tea and handed one to Light. "Do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Shoot." He said that a lot, didn't he?  _Shoot_. As if questions were loaded guns and he had to brace himself for a bullet. 

"Did you know when you started dating Misa?"

"No."

"Are you going to tell Misa?"

Light bit the inside of his cheek, turning his cup of tea round and round in his hands. "Do you think I should?"

Rem told him she did. If anyone should know, it was Misa. If anyone would understand, it was Misa. Rem knew well enough how forgiving Misa was, how understanding, and how unwaveringly kind. It was why she had fallen in love with Misa in the first place, wasn't it? Misa's heart, her kindness, her smile, her laugh, her endless affection for her friends. 

When they had finished their tea, Light and Rem stood for a minute longer in comfortable silence. Before Light left the kitchen, Rem offered him another hug, this time without the awkward balance of holding a cup in one hand. Light accepted gratefully, squeezing Rem's shoulders tight enough to hurt a little. Rem rested her chin on the top of Light's head, ignoring his protest of, "Hey, you're not  _that_ much taller than me!" 

"Oh, and Light?" Rem called after him. "You might want to talk this one out with L. He's been worried."

In the hallway, she heard Light swear. 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

It took an embarrassingly long time—twenty-five minutes and thirty seconds—for Misa to figure out what Light was trying to tell her. No matter how hard she listened, his words didn't seem to make sense. They strung themselves together like strands of spider's silk, sticky, dangerous, and nearly invisible until too late. It wasn't about Misa, he said, and she wanted to believe him. There wasn't another girl, he promised, and Misa tried not to consider the possibility of a lie. It wouldn't have been fair for them to stay together any longer, not when Misa had such a brilliant future ahead of her. He would just have dragged her down, something he assured her he did not want. He assured her she wouldn't want that, either. He was right. She  _didn't_ want that. 

"If I had known," Light continued, "I wouldn't have... Do you get what I'm saying?"

Misa shook her head, saying nothing. 

"When we started going out, I swear I didn't know. I didn't even  _think_. I wasn't with you because I wanted to hide behind you. I was with you because... because you're kind and sweet and compassionate. Because I wanted to be your  _friend_." He exhaled shakily, worrying a loose thread on his sleeve. "I wanted to fall in love with you."

Tears fell down Misa's cheeks, dripping off her chin. "But you didn't."

"No. God, I'm saying this all wrong."

"I think you're saying everything you want to say. Finally." Misa turned on her heel to leave, but Light stopped her. 

"Wait!" He let go of her wrist as suddenly as he had grabbed it, like her skin was on fire. "I didn't fall _in love_ with you, but I did love you. I still do. You were my best friend for two and a half years, Misa, and I hate that I've lost you like that."

Misa lowered her eyes to a crack in the tile floor. Anything was better than looking at Light and remembering how he made her heart flutter. 

"I've never been in love before." Another confession. "But if I were to fall in love with any girl in the world, it would have been you. I'm just... not much for girls, I guess."

Reality hit Misa like a truckload of bricks. 

 _Oh._  

"Oh." She found herself needing to sit down. "Wow. Okay. Uh... this is... not what I... I mean, I didn't... I didn't think you'd... Wow."

She could practically hear Light's heart beating. He crouched down in front of her, one hand on her elbow, and peered up through his eyelashes.  _He's so pretty when he's worried_ , Misa thought. She pushed the thought away. 

"I'm fine," she insisted. Better not to fall back on old habits. "Just... I need a minute."

"Of course." Light stood up. "I'm right here if you need me."

How ridiculous it was, Light standing here comforting Misa when  _he_ was the one taking a risk. In spite of her tears, or maybe because of them, Misa started to laugh. Here she was, sitting in the kitchen with her ex-boyfriend, listening to her ex-boyfriend's clumsily rehearsed speech. Here she was wondering who else knew. Was she the last one? Had Light left her for last because he didn't trust her? That idea stung more than it should have. She and Light weren't together anymore. They didn't need to trust each other if they didn't want to.  _But I_ do _want to,_ Misa thought. 

"So..." Misa closed her eyes, breathing in and out through her nose. "You... Are you trying to... I mean, are you...?"

"Yes." Light sounded more certain of himself. 

"Oh." Misa opened her eyes, blinking against the harsh kitchen lights. 

"Misa..."

"I'm fine. Really." The last thing she wanted was for Light to try comforting her again. The last thing she needed was to be reminded of everything she loved about Light. 

Light put his hands in his pockets. "Okay."

"Okay."

"Okay." 

Misa stood up, bracing herself on the kitchen table. "So that's why you broke up with me." It felt good to know, at least. 

"Yeah."

"Thank you."

Startled, Light took a step back and banged his head on the corner of a floating cabinet. "Damn it!" he swore. "For what?"

"For telling me, even if you  _did_ save me for last."

"What?" Light seemed almost offended at the idea. "You're the  _second_ person I've told! Even Sayu doesn't know!"

And just like that, Misa felt ridiculous and embarrassed. "Oh." She tucked her hair behind her ears. "I'm sorry. That was... I shouldn't be making this about me, anyway. I just... How did you know?"

Drumming his fingers on the counter, Light started to explain. It was the little things, he said, like the way L's hair always smelled like raspberries, or the way L smiled, or even the stupid amount of sugar L consumed on a daily basis. It was seeing L work on an essay at five in the morning, exhausted and determined and  _alive_. Light admitted, too, that L looked a little bit like a goblin, but it didn't matter. As soon as Light saw him, it was like the world went dark around them. He only saw L. Even L's drab and dreary style of dress made Light's heart race. 

And all Misa could think about was Rem. It was different for her, she thought, but she liked the way Rem's canine teeth looked when she smiled—just this side of too pointy. When they went to the gym together after class, Misa found herself feigning incompetence just so she could watch Rem's demonstrations. Something about the way Rem moved was intoxicating, like watching a wolf hunt. Whenever Rem came home from rowing practice, Misa made sure she was the first to greet her at the door, and she made sure she was the first one to congratulate Rem after every race. The more she thought about it, the more Misa wondered if her affection ran deeper than she knew. 

"Misa?" Light asked, concern plain as day in his eyes. 

"I'm fine!" Misa said, a little too quickly. "Hey, how do you feel about coffee?"

Light looked hesitantly at his watch, as if he had something else to do. But Misa knew his schedule by heart. He didn't have anything until tomorrow. 

"Come on," she pleaded, her voice a little too high and chipper. "It'll be fun! Like a date! Except... not a date. Not a date because you're not my boyfriend and you aren't even  _into_ me and I'm not even into  _you_... anymore. So it's not even like a date. It's more like... Coffee! It's coffee!"

Light raised his eyebrows, laughing. "I don't think you  _need_ any coffee," he teased, and Misa felt her face go red. 

"Please? I just want things to be normal between us again."

Fighting back another bout of laughter, Light nodded. "Coffee sounds great."

Coffee now, Misa decided. She could figure out this thing with Rem tomorrow.  

 


End file.
